


linger longer

by varthandi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Background Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background Logic | Logan Sanders, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Gen, Introspection, Post-Episode: Flirting with Social Anxiety, Remus is mentioned like once - Freeform, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27116968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/varthandi/pseuds/varthandi
Summary: Janus should have just gone back to his room.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	linger longer

**Author's Note:**

> _leave everything always unbroken_

Janus should have just gone back to his room. He’d been standing at the top of the stairs for five minutes, in the darkness of the hallway, positioned perfectly to remain unseen while still being able to hear everything downstairs. It was perhaps a bit creepy and dangerously close to eavesdropping, but it wasn’t exactly a _new_ habit of his and he was free to spend his time as he wished. And it _definitely_ wasn’t because his legs refused to move him to his destination and remained firmly stationary despite his very strong desire to be elsewhere.

Janus had left (no, he did not _flee_ , he _left_ of his own accord because he had _things to do_ ) the common room in the mindscape just before Roman and Virgil returned from their almost-disastrous-but-miraculously-somehow-not visit to the mall and the subsequent squealing session with Thomas in his living room. Patton and Logan seemed confused but understanding about his haste in leaving, but they didn’t try to stop him either.

So here he was, _not_ eavesdropping on the four sides downstairs, eyes fixed on the empty wall in front of him as he stood there with a hand on the banister, feeling… 

What _was_ he feeling? Numb, mostly. He’d been rather contented earlier, maybe even _happy_ , what with Thomas’s attempts to follow his advice for once, despite Roman and Virgil’s constant accusatory and _not at all_ hurtful and disparaging remarks - treating himself to a movie and a mall day, telling those little white lies to smooth over those awkward moments, pretending not to be stalking the cute guy in the food court, trying so, _so_ hard to come off as an interesting, _romantic_ guy by practicing in the bathroom mirror… only to be completely shut down.

 _“Is that fair to_ him _?”_

For a moment, just one tiny little moment, Janus had thought Virgil had meant _him_. But no, he was talking about Nico. Of course he was talking about the guy they’d spent so long trying to catch the attention of, and pointing out that _lies_ and _deceit_ had no place in any potential relationships Thomas hoped to have. Because why would Virgil care about what was fair to _Janus_?

And he was right. As was Roman.

_“You can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t built on truth.”_

Janus couldn’t say (truthfully, at least, and wasn’t _that_ a laugh and a half) that Thomas was better off without love or romance. Roman wanted it _so badly_ , which meant that _Thomas_ wanted it just as badly. And all Janus wanted (had _ever_ wanted) was whatever made Thomas happiest.

“-and he did it all _without_ lying and deceiving his way into the blossoming bard’s heart!” Roman’s voice carried upstairs clearly, his excitement and acting skills combining to effortlessly make his voice heard as he related the story once more to his audience.

Janus’s hand fell from the banister to hang limply at his side.

This was what Thomas wanted. He was ready for this (wasn’t he?). Everyone was so _excited_ when Nico responded positively to Thomas’s absolutely _graceful_ introduction. Except maybe Patton, who was _totally not_ masking his own mixed emotions as best he could to support Roman’s long-missing enthusiasm. Or Logan, who was _only_ minorly upset about the grand assumptions of an epic romance overtaking Thomas’s every thought. Or even Virgil, who was _absolutely_ on board for a budding new relationship with all its potential for ending in solitude and heartbreak. And god only knows what Remus was doing. And Janus? Janus was standing at the top of the stairs, eavesdropping on Thomas’s core sides, not knowing how to feel.

If things turned out well, it would greatly boost Thomas’s mental state (at least for however long the honeymoon period would last). But if it didn’t (and prior history would indicate this would be the more likely outcome), it could cause a depressive episode as bad as, if not worse than, well, _previous_ failed relationships. Janus, for all his swagger and self-aggrandizement, didn’t know _what_ the right move to make was. All he knew was that this was something Thomas _wanted_.

So he let him- them- let _whoever_ try. Janus watched and waited with Patton and Logan as Thomas literally ran into his new love interest, staying as carefully quiet as he could, releasing all influence he had to give Thomas this one chance to start things off the _right_ way. The bespectacled blue sides held their breaths - and each other - as the moment passed, and the weird atmosphere settled, just a little. Janus had shivered, pulling his cape close. As always, it did nothing to warm the ever-present chill in his heart and on his skin.

He should have left, then. But Thomas was so _happy_. If Janus wanted to enjoy that happiness, just bask in that contented joy for as long as he could, could anyone blame him?

“-worried for a little bit there, after I pushed him,” he heard Virgil’s voice say. His more sedate tone and low timbre were easily heard as he was situated in his usual place at the foot of the stairs. “I almost thought he was gonna just lie again and make some excuse to leave.”

“But he didn’t! He was so _brave_ , telling Nico the truth like that!” The pride in Roman’s voice was so pure and so _honest_ , unlike what it had been only hours ago. It burned Janus to his core, almost as much as the cold.

He’d had enough. He slipped away, returning to his room before he heard anything else he didn’t want to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> all i know is write Janus angst and cry  
> the title and lyrics in the note are from "Linger Longer" by Cosmo Sheldrake and has absolutely nothing to do with anything, they just fit and i love the song


End file.
